Fighting, Crying, and the Cruel Realizations of Not Being Good Enough
by Disdain.in.the.membrane
Summary: Rin and Haru have a fight. Make-up sex ensues and tears are shed.


They hadn't had a fight in years. Sure they got annoyed at each other, but it always ended with Rin crying or Haru giving a gift. Those were small arguments, not even worth most of the yelling they got. Like who forgot to take out the trash or why was all the hot water gone. It was nothing they couldn't just talk about and get over it.

And this fight, well, it could be talked about. But Rin felt like he would never get over it. Because this time Haru hurt him and he hurt Haru. And now he was wandering through the town market. Brooding through the crowds of people. He paused at the fish before continuing his walk. He didn't even bring his wallet in his rush to get out. He was still feeling so frustrated.

None of this would have happened if Rin hadn't opened his stupid mouth. Everything was going so well. He and Haru were enjoying a nice, rare lazy day in bed. And Rin had to let his emotions speak for him.

As he wrapped his arm around Haru's waist, he kissed his ear. Nibbling at his lobe earning a soft moan in return. He kissed him, slowly. Feeling Haru was like being in the water again. Embracing him was like being consumed by warmth. Haru felt like home. Haru was home.

Haru turned around to face Rin. Eyes wide, teasing him with a hint of a smile. He placed his hand on Rin's hip, circling his fingertips against his skin. Moving down to his thigh, squeezing it just to hear Rin gasp.

"I love you," Rin whispered.

Haru pulled Rin into a tight hug. Clinging onto him as if his life depended on it. It was rare that Haru was clingy and Rin wanted to take full advantage of it.

He could feel Haru's chest moving against his. And the soft brush of Haru's lips against his neck. Haru even smelled a little like him. A side effect to spending the early hours making out.

Haru moved so he was looking at Rin again. He kissed his nose making Rin giggle. And then kissed his lips.

And that was when Rin felt like it would be the right time to bring this up. He had been thinking about it by himself for a while now. And Haru was feeling extra loving today. He would be open to what Rin had to say.

"Hey," He brushed Haru's hair back. It was getting longer, the bangs almost reached where they were back in high school.

Haru kissed Rin's hand, smiling into it.

"Let's have a kid," Rin blurted out.

The way Haru recoiled from him was enough of an answer. But then Haru had to ask, "Why?"

Which made Rin's blood boil. Why wouldn't he be thinking about it? They were already in their thirties. They had been together for over ten years now. They had a life together. They loved each other.

Rin brought these points up to Haru.

"A child is a lot of work," Haru reminded. As if Rin hadn't considered the amount of time it would take to nurture and care for a child. As if Rin thought having a child was like getting a dog.

"You don't have to be so insensitive, " Rin got up and dug through their drawer for his boxers. "If you don't want kids with me then-"

"I'm not saying that," Haru sat up and glared at Rin.

Rin let out a loud sigh. Because he knew his morning was fucked now. And he had been the one to fuck it up.

"Isn't what we have enough?" Haru had the nerve to look upset, sad even.

And it escalated from there. Words were thrown around. Ugly words. Years of not fighting finally caught up to them. All those small annoyances came out. Rin left when he got fed up with it all. He caught a glimpse of Haru's eyes, misty and angry, as he slammed the door in his face.

Now Rin was feeling cold. He wanted to go back home. But it had only been half an hour. That would be giving in way too easily.

But maybe this was showing Haru how not ready for a child he was. Running out of the house whenever he pleased. Yelling and making rash decisions as if he were twenty. Rin wanted to work this out with Haru. He really did. But more importantly he wanted to be back home.

He trudged back home in defeat.

Rin opened the door and called out to Haru. When he didn't get a response he went straight to the bathroom to find Haru soaking in the tub.

"That was fast," Haru looked up at Rin. The corners of his eyes were puffy, red-rimmed. The only signs that gave away that he was crying.

Haru kneeled down next to him and pulled him into a tight hug. He let out his own sob.

"I'm still mad at you," Rin said into Haru's wet hair.

Haru remained silent and instead stripped Rin of his shirt. Rin stepped out of his pants and into the tub. He leaned back against Haru's chest.

Haru wrapped his arms tightly around him. He traced his fingertips along the insides of Rin's thighs. Tickling the skin so Rin squirmed. But Rin didn't move away. He clung onto Haru's knees. He let out a moan as Haru wrapped his hand around Rin's cock.

"Haru," Rin moaned.

Haru pumped at him. Slowly, fingers squeezed tight as Rin bucked his hips. Rubbing back against Haru, Rin felt Haru's dick pressed into his back.

Rin sat up and turned around. He climbed into Haru's lap, sob dwindling down to a sniffle. He kissed Haru hard on the lips.

They arranged themselves so that they could rub against each other. Rin felt warm all over again. Even in the now cold water. He could feel Haru's hands spread his cheeks apart. Fingers poking at his entrance.

Haru kissed his teary eyelids that Rin didn't realize he had squeezed shut.

"Bed," Haru whispered and Rin nodded.

They stood up and didn't bother to dry off. Rin laid down on the bed, ignoring that he was getting the sheets soaked. He pulled Haru down on top of him. Haru kissed his forehead and moved down to his stomach. Kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin.

Rin moaned when Haru wasted no time getting to his dick. Sucking and licking at his hard cock. Rin pulled at Haru's hair, spreading his legs wider. Haru looked up at him and, with a smile, lifted Rin's legs up.

Rin reached up to the bedside table for the lube. Haru kissed his thigh and grabbed the bottle. Rin hooked his arms around the back of his knees.

Haru squeezed lube onto his exposed hole. Surprising Rin by slipping his tongue inside instead of his fingers. Rin moaned at the intrusion, rocking his hips into the touch. Haru kissed his hole, spreading the lube around. Circling his entrance before diving right back in.

And Rin felt an intense amount of emotion from the act. Soft, delicate touch all meant for Rin. And he was beginning to realize that Haru was scared. He was scared of losing Rin. Haru wasn't being the insensitive one. They both were.

Rin groaned when Haru stuck two fingers into him. He licked inside of him and stretched him open. Rin felt empty when he pulled out of him completely.

He watched Haru lube himself up, slowly pumping himself as he stared down at Rin. Rin reached his hand out and Haru grasped it. Holding it as he slid inside in one thrust.

Haru moaned and kissed Rin. He moved fast. Hips circling and jerking in and out of Rin. Pressed all the way in, pounding against his sweet spot. Rin felt his orgasm fast. He had his legs wrapped tightly around Haru's hips, shaking at his sides. With his free hand, Haru pumped Rin's dick.

"With me," Haru groaned out.

Rin nodded, feeling the stutter of Haru's hips. Haru pushed all the way into him, coming inside. Rin let out a loud scream as he came. His focus on Haru filling him up. Haru above him, panting and littering his face with soft kisses.

Haru pulled out slowly. Rin turned to the side so that they were both facing each other. And Haru's hand drifted back down to Rin's hip. They allowed the moment to simmer down.

Before Rin could talk, Haru spoke. "Why do you want a child?" His voice was soft and unsure. He averted his eyes from Rin.

Rin could hear his heartbeat, "I want to have a child with you." He placed a hand on Haru's cheek.

Haru looked him in the eyes, brow furrowed, "How do you know you're even ready for that?"

"I've thought about it a lot."

"There's legal work involved."

Rin blushed, "I've actually..."

Haru nodded. Because of course Rin would have already looked into it before bringing it up. He knew the course of action to take.

Haru knocked his forehead onto Rin. Rin closed his eyes and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry," Haru said.

And that scared Rin. Because Haru never said he was sorry. Instead of saying sorry Haru would always buy gifts, cook fancy dinners, or treat Rin to a nice date night. Rin honestly didn't even know Haru could say sorry.

"Me too," Rin said.

Because he knew how difficult it was to deal with him sometimes. Especially when he got angry. And he still felt bad for making Haru cry (even if Haru would never admit to it).

Haru turned around so that they were spooning now. Rin curled up against him, kissing the back of his neck.

"How do you know," Haru asked.

Rin sat up so that he could get a better look at Haru's face. But Haru pushed his face into the pillow. Whatever he said was muffled.

"Haru," Rin coaxed him to look back up. "Babe, c'mon," He went in to tickle Haru's sides.

Giggling, Haru turned back around to breathe. He pouted at Rin. But at least now he was looking up at the ceiling and not talking into the bed.

"You'd make a great father," Haru said.

Rin felt his eyes swell up with tears he thought he was over. "You would too," He choked out.

Haru shook his head.

"How do you know that?" Rin frowned.

"I've thought about it," Haru didn't know the effect those words had on Rin.

Haru had thought about having children. Probably with Rin. Maybe it was a daydream. Or maybe it was something Haru himself had looked into before.

"I wouldn't know how," Haru continued.

Rin laid back down and looked up at the ceiling with Haru, "Nobody really knows how to parent. Like, there's no right way."

"They would like you more," Haru pouted.

Rin laughed, "Oh, please! They would always be asking you to take them swimming. And to cook them delicious meals!" Rin thought for a moment before adding, "You would let them get away with anything."

Haru looked offended, "No I wouldn't." He was silent for a moment before saying, "You'd cry every time you'd have to punish them."

Rin laughed, "Nah."

The room fell quiet again. Haru reached his hand out and Rin grabbed it. Rin was finally feeling better and he could tell that Haru was too. Rin could feel himself drifting off to sleep. After a long week and waking up early in the morning, he was feeling tired. The fight and the sex and worn him out.

He thought Haru was feeling the same way. But then Haru squeezed his hand and Rin could hear him shuffling under the covers, still damp from their bath, to face him.

"So," Haru's voice was soft as if it were coming from out of a dream, "a boy or a girl?"

Rin sat straight up and looked down, smiling wide at Haru.

The same Haru he had known his entire life. The Haru that he swam with. The Haru he grew with. Grew apart from. And then got swept back up together. This was the Haru that he loved. The Haru he shared a life with. The Haru that he fought with. The Haru he wanted to grow old and wrinkly with. This was the Haru he wanted to have a child with.

And Haru wanted all the same things.

* * *

 **do u ever start something having the intention of it being a 500 word thing but then 5 pages later you're 2000 words deep**


End file.
